A short, open letter to all those who take ‘stupid statements’ seriously 


Dear ‘stupid statement’ lovers,

Have you ever lived in a joint family? Or have you ever been to a big, fat Indian wedding? Have you noticed there are different kinds of people, groups. Exactly like our country. 

1. The doers: People who organise everything, manage and keep and control monies so that everything runs smoothly. They hardly sleep and are at work when everyone is partying. They are answerable and responsible for everything. That’s the PM and his cabinet

2. The family: a group of people who are interested in wedding, dance, food, fun and all the benefits of a wedding but they are always figuring out their importance in the scheme of things. They may bitch about bride’s or groom’s family members but mean no real harm. They have suggestions for everything but are too lazy to actually work. This is the ruling political party.

3. Neighbours: They have no role to play in the wedding but they want it to fail. They are perpetually seeking bad news that is good news for them. That’s the opposition. 

4. The cribbers: Then there is always one ‘Allahabad wale Foofa Ji’ who is always unhappy about something and doesn’t join the celebrations until given importance or a gift. He is neither responsible nor answerable but plays his ego all the times. These are the intellectuals. 

5. Widowed Buaji: There is always one relative who loves to nitpick. This relative will bitch, crib, gossip, badmouth the hosts and his/her intention will be to somehow spoil the party, even if he/she has to lie, spin, misinform or manufacture a lie. They will always look at the negatives and rundown the success of the party. This is the media. 

6. Khatiyabaaz Tau Ji: These people sit on a charpoy (Khatiya) and keep an eye on the traditions, culture and morality, commenting on dancing youngsters, drunk youngsters and keep passing comments about values/morals. They are always first to pick up brewing affairs. No-one listens to these moral keepers anyways but when they get an audience they exaggerate and say things which anyways have no impact on the wedding. These are the inconsequential fringe elements. 

7. Baraatis: All they want is that ‘ladkiwaale’ should keep them happy. No-one, including them, knows what makes them happy. They can make or break a wedding party. You have to keep most of them happy at all the times. With freebies, facilities or both. These are the citizens/ voters.  

Every wedding has a unique power system. In last 67 years, in this big, fat Indian political wedding, the doers and baraatis were inconsequential and the entire wedding was run by No 2 to no.6.  

What has happened suddenly that, in Modi’s ‘out-of-the-box-politics’, he has eliminated groups from no. 3 to no. 6. When you make 5 groups out of 7, inconsequential and irrelevant, they make lot of noise. They want the wedding to fail. They gang up. Some, with strategy, and some with their stupidity. 

Now decide, who matters to you. Who would you like to listen to? If you still want to subscribe to stupid statements and go by what the neighbours (media) or khatiyabaaz (fringe) or frustrated Bua ji are saying, chances are, in sometime, you may also turn stupid. 

With love: 

A proud Baraati

Vivek Agnihotri

November 3, 2015 


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